I still see it as if it just happened.

Laying on your floor.
Listening.
To everything.
The sound of your heart under my head.
The sound of cheesy Secondhand Serenade songs.
The sound of your family, laughing and joking just outside the door.
The sound of you kissing my forhead.
It didn't matter what was happening at home or with school.
Just laying with you made everything ok again.
The world was beautiful and calm.
It seems like it just happened.
Like I can still run to your house and lay with you everynight.
Like I can still hug you and feel ok.
Like I can still go with you to Disneyland and watch the fireworks.
Like I can communicate with you, just by a glance, you knew what I was going to say.
And I knew what you were thinking, just by an expression.
Everynight I expect to get a call.
A call that just says "I'm going to bed, babe, I love you. Sweetdreams."
That call was what let me know, I could go to sleep and have sweetdreams.
about you.
and wake up, with a smile on my face, to a text that said "goodmorning my love, how'd you sleep?"
Like there was nothing I could fear in the world.
But now, all I feel is empty.
The world is full of hate, and no one cares.
Now, I fall asleep terrorfied.
Scared of having those sweetdreams about you,
because when I'd wake up,
I'd wake up to a nightmare.
Those dreams are my reality.
Because everything is ok in those dreams. You're with me. Like the world planned.
In this nightmare I call life, You're not with me.
You can't be with me.
Because of your mom.
Because of society.
Because of friends.
I can't text you, because I'm blocked.
I can't call you, because I'm blocked.
I can't message you on facebook, because I'm blocked.
And the worst part is, You don't want me blocked.
I have no control.
and it makes me affraid to be alone with myself.