My own world.

I've created a new world.
Apart from this one,
the one we're all forced to be in together.
A world in my own head.
With loud thoughts,
blurry pictures,
faded memories,
At times, I'm scared of my own world.
At times, I'm terrified.
But there's also the times I prefer to be in my world.
When strangers call me faggot,
push me and trip me,
when my dad gets angry,
when my brother sees me,
when my mom lists all the things she despises about me,
those are the moments I resort to my world.
One head phone in,
my heroes playing,
a world to my self.
At school, people pass by,
they laugh and talk amongsts themselves.
But I'm too consumed in my own world to notice any details of my surroundings.
I walk, arm in arm with a friend.
As Jayy and Dahvie sing to me about not giving up.
Strangers think I'm shy.
I don't talk much.
But if they only heard what is going on in my world,
they would know, I'm too distracted in my own thoughts.
Loud thoughts.
That consume all my attention.
At times, I'm scared of my own world.
At times, I'm terrified.
But my world is better than this one.

Is being ok, too much to ask?

Sadness.
That's all I ever feel.
Isn't there more to life?
People say, look at all the happiness.
Ignore the bad and just remember the good.
Is there good?
I sure can't find it.
Of course there's the better times.
Where I'm not at my edge.
Not quite at the point to jump.
But I wouldn't call that 'the good'.
The best thing in the world could happen to me.
and not even make me happy.
Not even affect me in a good way.
In fact, the best thing in the world did happen to me.
So why am I still stuck with sadness?
While everyone else gets happy over the smallest of things.
Why am I stuck with the bad?
Meeting my hero just made me more alive.
More able to feel things.
Giving me more room,
 for sadness to fill me up.
I feel it creeping up on me again.
I've been in the better part of sadness for too long.
The edge is near.
I see it coming.
I can't stop it this time.
I'll be gone.